Phone Calls

   Depending on the day, I receive a few phone calls from Nana.  Sometimes, they make me laugh, sometimes I want to cry.  Other days, I just stare at the phone and let the call go to my answering machine-- I just don't have it in me to be patient, and I never want her to hear me sound annoyed with her-- she can't help calling; she is scared of what is going on in her brain.  On those days, I listen to the message a little later and then go visit if necessary.
    Nana has decided that I am more than one person-- I am her daughter, Nancy, as well as a very nice nurse who stops in to see her, also named Nancy.  She has not noticed that we have the same phone number, so I often receive two phone calls in a row:
    Ring.  "Hi Nancy, it's your Mom.  I think I need to see a doctor.  My Alzheimers is getting worse.  Could you make an appointment for me? If you can't drive me, that's ok-- I can ask someone here to help."
     Ring. "Hi, Nancy? This is Jane, Jane Papineau.  I am not feeling too well, my Alzheimers is really acting up.  My daughter is making me an appointment, but if she can't drive me, could you give me a ride? Thank you so much."
  
Sometimes, the calls are a little rough.  Two months ago, her calls revolved around what was happening to her. " I know that there is no cure for Alzheimers.  Is this just going to keep getting worse until I don't remember anything at all?"
  "Yes, I think so Mom."
"So, I will forget everything about me, and forget how to dress or walk or eat?  And then I'll just fade away?  Is it painful?"
  "From what I read, it isn't painful.  But yes, you will forget how to do most things. But from what I also read, although you may have trouble communicating, we will always know you love us, and you will always know that we love you."
  "Ohhhhhh.... well that's all that matters.  It sounds like this be more painful for you than me.  Sorry about that."     These calls make me cry.