I'm never sure how long my visits will last. Sometimes, Mom greets me warmly and tells me stories about her adventures on the unit. Other times, I am quickly dismissed.
Today was situation #2. I found Mom in the community room, listening to a lesson on the Olympics. (Actually, I found her snoozing during a lesson on the Olympics...) I received many hellos from the residents and workers as I slipped in to see Mom. I stopped in front of her chair and squatted down to her level. I touched both of her arms, but she remained quiet with her eyes closed. The woman sitting next to her nudged her and said, "You have a visitor." Mom looked up and said, "I have two visitors!" Hmmm... The woman asked her who I was. "Oh, she knows who she is," she said, smiling at me. I asked her if she would like to go for a walk.
"Oh, not right now. I think I will just rest for awhile."
I kissed the top of her head, and I told her that I loved her.
"Oh, I love you too, honey."
I headed out the door.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Visiting with Eddie
We stopped by Nana's on Wednesday, so that Ed could visit with his grandmother. I warned him that she had deteriorated a bit since Christmas-- she may or may not recognize him, and he may not even react to seeing him at all. He understood.
We entered the unit and were greeted by Jessie, another one of the residents. Arms outstretched, she reached towards us to say hello. I smiled and reached towards her for a hug. She tickled me under my arms and laughed. "You've always loved when I do that!" I then received a kiss and a hug; then she played with my messy, curly hair. She saw Eddie next. "Oooooo"..... She gave him a hug and pulled his beard. "You are good looking!" She returned her attention to my hair.
"This hair is beautiful. You are beautiful!," she said, then turned back to Ed.
"Now you-- you are good looking. And that is very nice too." Ha!
We walked back towards the community room and found Nana doing yoga with many others. She didn't see us as she followed the directions of the yoga instructor on the video. We watched for a few minutes, not wanting to interrupt the class. Nana followed about 50% of the exercises. I noticed how thin her legs had become-- Mom had always been an athlete, whether playing softball as a teen, tennis as a Mom, or hiking with my father in South Carolina during retirement. Muscle tone is now deteriorating. During a short break, I took the seat next to her and said hello. She patted my hand and absently said hello. "Hi Mom." I said, "Do you see the fellow over there?" She looked up and saw Ed, who waved to her and smiled. She smiled back and said to me, "Clemson. He must be related to you!" I agreed, and told her that he was Eddie, her grandson. Ed came over, gave her a kiss, and sat in the chair next to her. I left the room to fill her medications and returned 5 minutes later.
As I entered the room, Nana's face lit up and she opened her arms. "Heyyyyyy, you're here!" I received a big, healthy Mom hug. As we left, Ed also received a big hug from his grandmother. Did she know who he was? Maybe not. But she did know that she loves him, and he loves her. And that's the most important thing of all.
We entered the unit and were greeted by Jessie, another one of the residents. Arms outstretched, she reached towards us to say hello. I smiled and reached towards her for a hug. She tickled me under my arms and laughed. "You've always loved when I do that!" I then received a kiss and a hug; then she played with my messy, curly hair. She saw Eddie next. "Oooooo"..... She gave him a hug and pulled his beard. "You are good looking!" She returned her attention to my hair.
"This hair is beautiful. You are beautiful!," she said, then turned back to Ed.
"Now you-- you are good looking. And that is very nice too." Ha!
We walked back towards the community room and found Nana doing yoga with many others. She didn't see us as she followed the directions of the yoga instructor on the video. We watched for a few minutes, not wanting to interrupt the class. Nana followed about 50% of the exercises. I noticed how thin her legs had become-- Mom had always been an athlete, whether playing softball as a teen, tennis as a Mom, or hiking with my father in South Carolina during retirement. Muscle tone is now deteriorating. During a short break, I took the seat next to her and said hello. She patted my hand and absently said hello. "Hi Mom." I said, "Do you see the fellow over there?" She looked up and saw Ed, who waved to her and smiled. She smiled back and said to me, "Clemson. He must be related to you!" I agreed, and told her that he was Eddie, her grandson. Ed came over, gave her a kiss, and sat in the chair next to her. I left the room to fill her medications and returned 5 minutes later.
As I entered the room, Nana's face lit up and she opened her arms. "Heyyyyyy, you're here!" I received a big, healthy Mom hug. As we left, Ed also received a big hug from his grandmother. Did she know who he was? Maybe not. But she did know that she loves him, and he loves her. And that's the most important thing of all.
Friday, March 16, 2012
The 30-Day Review
Nana has officially been at her new home for 30 days, so today was Review Day. This has been a month of ups and downs, so I felt like a Mom going to her child's teacher conference. Did she follow directions? Did she play well with others?
The first few weeks of moving in, I heard from the facility every day. Nana had a cold; she was incontinent. She needed more pajamas....she wasn't sleeping... wasn't quite as strong as they thought when they interviewed her... her suite mate was moving out because she was bothered by Nana rifling through her drawers at 2am... Uh oh. Despite their many reassurances that she was doing fine, I worried.
But during the last week, I hadn't received any phone calls. Did this mean that she was starting to adapt to her new routine? Fingers and toes crossed; all the saints were summoned-- "Please help Mom adjust..."
Prayers answered. Yes, she is a little further along in her Alzheimers than they first expected; but she is making friends, joining in on all activities, and getting along well with her new roommate. The staff is enjoying her quick wit and her easygoing spirit.
After the meeting, I walked into the activity room and I received a big smile of recognition. I sat at her feet and stayed for the lesson on Ireland. Nana was very engaged, and didn't ask to leave with me. At the end of her "class", I told her that it was time for me to get going-- Eddie was returning home from college tomorrow, and I needed to clean the house and go grocery shopping. "Oh, don't bother cleaning the house. Just pick up lots of food-- he will be hungry!" Ha-- she was right about that :)
As for the lesson on Ireland, I had two favorite parts. The first was when the activities director said, "Patience is a virtue." Mom quickly added, "And virtue is a grace. Put them both together and you get a pretty face." :)
The second was when the Irish gentleman in a kelly green sweater sang "Danny Boy" in a shaky yet beautiful voice. He told me that he has been a singer all his life, but his Dad taught him that "Danny Boy" is not sung with the voice-- it must be sung with the soul.
Peter, you still have plenty of soul. And Mom, your face is beautiful.
The first few weeks of moving in, I heard from the facility every day. Nana had a cold; she was incontinent. She needed more pajamas....she wasn't sleeping... wasn't quite as strong as they thought when they interviewed her... her suite mate was moving out because she was bothered by Nana rifling through her drawers at 2am... Uh oh. Despite their many reassurances that she was doing fine, I worried.
But during the last week, I hadn't received any phone calls. Did this mean that she was starting to adapt to her new routine? Fingers and toes crossed; all the saints were summoned-- "Please help Mom adjust..."
Prayers answered. Yes, she is a little further along in her Alzheimers than they first expected; but she is making friends, joining in on all activities, and getting along well with her new roommate. The staff is enjoying her quick wit and her easygoing spirit.
After the meeting, I walked into the activity room and I received a big smile of recognition. I sat at her feet and stayed for the lesson on Ireland. Nana was very engaged, and didn't ask to leave with me. At the end of her "class", I told her that it was time for me to get going-- Eddie was returning home from college tomorrow, and I needed to clean the house and go grocery shopping. "Oh, don't bother cleaning the house. Just pick up lots of food-- he will be hungry!" Ha-- she was right about that :)
As for the lesson on Ireland, I had two favorite parts. The first was when the activities director said, "Patience is a virtue." Mom quickly added, "And virtue is a grace. Put them both together and you get a pretty face." :)
The second was when the Irish gentleman in a kelly green sweater sang "Danny Boy" in a shaky yet beautiful voice. He told me that he has been a singer all his life, but his Dad taught him that "Danny Boy" is not sung with the voice-- it must be sung with the soul.
Peter, you still have plenty of soul. And Mom, your face is beautiful.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Packing up Memories
We gave a 30-day notice at Nana's former home on the week that she left, in order to move out her "stuff" without her well-meaning assistance... Luckily, my sister Mary was able to come out and help with the task.
I thought I was up for this adventure. How tough could it be to pack up a two bedroom apartment and a large storage area? No problem... Ha! We arrived with boxes, tape, paper, markers, and a camera. We wanted to document everything so that our siblings could choose amongst the "booty" left behind. Our plan? Pack up everything, then put it in storage for 1 year so everyone could come retrieve whatever they wished to take.
I stepped into the kitchen and looked around, trying to decide where to start. I didn't move, or start. Thankfully, Mary brought me out of my stress-induced inertia-- "C'mon Nancy-- why don't we start by making separate boxes for each family, a "give-away" pile, and start measuring all the furniture and pictures?" We were on our way.
I started in the back bedroom. Mary started in the living room. We both rooted through drawers, finding many items in very strange places. We found six sets of keys to Nana's apartment-- as suspected, no one had been "stealing" her keys, except for her Alzheimer's doppelganger-- who was hiding them in random drawers, purses or pairs of socks. We found 17 packages of maxipads, an obsession Nana had for a few months last year. Random tissues, new and used, were stuffed everywhere. But most of all, Mary and I found memories.
"Look-- I found drawings that Rachael and Dominic made!"
"Ha-- look at these pictures. John with hair!"
"Oh, this plate always makes me think of ________"
We were amused by how different our memories were at times. Though we are only 4 years apart, Mary's experiences were different-- things that I picked up sometimes held less interest to her. She shared stories with me that I had no memories about.
The pictures and letters we found said so much about our parents and our families. Mom saved all of our letters that we sent during college-- we were tempted to stop and read them all, but we behaved ourselves and threw the letters into each child's box. We saved another two boxes of interesting family history to share with the grandchildren this summer. The many pictures and writings illustrated what was most important to our parents-- our family, their love for each other, and the strength they found from their Catholic faith.
We also found many notes that Mom started writing as she realized that she was losing her memory. Sadly, almost every attempt started with "I'm having trouble remembering things, so I think I should probably write down my memories now." Unfortunately, none of these notes were finished.
On Tuesday, we will move Nana's belongings to a storage facility, and Southgate will be but a memory for me. I will miss the many lunches I shared with the ladies of Southgate. I will miss listening to their stories. I will miss Mass at the chapel, said with such reverence by the retired priests who reside there. And I will be forever grateful for the love the residents and caregivers shared with our Mom.
I thought I was up for this adventure. How tough could it be to pack up a two bedroom apartment and a large storage area? No problem... Ha! We arrived with boxes, tape, paper, markers, and a camera. We wanted to document everything so that our siblings could choose amongst the "booty" left behind. Our plan? Pack up everything, then put it in storage for 1 year so everyone could come retrieve whatever they wished to take.
I stepped into the kitchen and looked around, trying to decide where to start. I didn't move, or start. Thankfully, Mary brought me out of my stress-induced inertia-- "C'mon Nancy-- why don't we start by making separate boxes for each family, a "give-away" pile, and start measuring all the furniture and pictures?" We were on our way.
I started in the back bedroom. Mary started in the living room. We both rooted through drawers, finding many items in very strange places. We found six sets of keys to Nana's apartment-- as suspected, no one had been "stealing" her keys, except for her Alzheimer's doppelganger-- who was hiding them in random drawers, purses or pairs of socks. We found 17 packages of maxipads, an obsession Nana had for a few months last year. Random tissues, new and used, were stuffed everywhere. But most of all, Mary and I found memories.
"Look-- I found drawings that Rachael and Dominic made!"
"Ha-- look at these pictures. John with hair!"
"Oh, this plate always makes me think of ________"
We were amused by how different our memories were at times. Though we are only 4 years apart, Mary's experiences were different-- things that I picked up sometimes held less interest to her. She shared stories with me that I had no memories about.
The pictures and letters we found said so much about our parents and our families. Mom saved all of our letters that we sent during college-- we were tempted to stop and read them all, but we behaved ourselves and threw the letters into each child's box. We saved another two boxes of interesting family history to share with the grandchildren this summer. The many pictures and writings illustrated what was most important to our parents-- our family, their love for each other, and the strength they found from their Catholic faith.
We also found many notes that Mom started writing as she realized that she was losing her memory. Sadly, almost every attempt started with "I'm having trouble remembering things, so I think I should probably write down my memories now." Unfortunately, none of these notes were finished.
On Tuesday, we will move Nana's belongings to a storage facility, and Southgate will be but a memory for me. I will miss the many lunches I shared with the ladies of Southgate. I will miss listening to their stories. I will miss Mass at the chapel, said with such reverence by the retired priests who reside there. And I will be forever grateful for the love the residents and caregivers shared with our Mom.
Moving Pains
In this blog, I like to tell funny stories and share the many ways that Nana is coping with her disease. She is the epitome of "grace under pressure;" but some times are tougher than others. Right now, we are both feeling "moving pains".
As I have mentioned before, change is very difficult for those with Alzheimers. They cope by living within the familiar; new experiences and places are very frightening, no matter how kind those around you are. Change was necessary, in order to keep Nana safe; and the people at Compass are beyond kind and caring. But the change has been rough.
Since moving in, she has been very confused, and her behaviours have changed drastically. Her gait has changed, leaning more to the left and walking with her head down. She smiles and says, "Nancy!" when she sees me, but then quickly forgets who I am. She joins in during the activities, but seems to be very detached as well. Dressing and swallowing pills has become a challenge (though meals are NOT a problem ;). We have finally been able to help her sleep at nite; but now she is also fighting a cold. The facility is closely monitoring her temperature and giving her some cough medicine.
Nana's caregivers say that her decline is not at all unusual. Most residents start to clear after about a month; but sometimes, Alzheimers does not move slowly and takes a precipitous drop. I am praying that this move is a temporary setback.
Either way, Nana remains pleasant and kind. She likes her new home, and enjoys her new friends. She continues to put a positive spin on everything around her. May I continue to learn from her.
As I have mentioned before, change is very difficult for those with Alzheimers. They cope by living within the familiar; new experiences and places are very frightening, no matter how kind those around you are. Change was necessary, in order to keep Nana safe; and the people at Compass are beyond kind and caring. But the change has been rough.
Since moving in, she has been very confused, and her behaviours have changed drastically. Her gait has changed, leaning more to the left and walking with her head down. She smiles and says, "Nancy!" when she sees me, but then quickly forgets who I am. She joins in during the activities, but seems to be very detached as well. Dressing and swallowing pills has become a challenge (though meals are NOT a problem ;). We have finally been able to help her sleep at nite; but now she is also fighting a cold. The facility is closely monitoring her temperature and giving her some cough medicine.
Nana's caregivers say that her decline is not at all unusual. Most residents start to clear after about a month; but sometimes, Alzheimers does not move slowly and takes a precipitous drop. I am praying that this move is a temporary setback.
Either way, Nana remains pleasant and kind. She likes her new home, and enjoys her new friends. She continues to put a positive spin on everything around her. May I continue to learn from her.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)